The Rocket Bride: A Parody
by Mystic Vaporeon
Summary: A parody of "The Princess Bride" starring all our favorite Pokemon stars! ^_^ I love this movie, and it translates very well into Pokemon! Enjoy, and C&C!!


The Rocket Bride

[_The scene opens to Team Rocket's cabin in the woods, it's snowing, and all three are inside. Meowth walks by the door of the bedroom they're forced to share, and winces as the sound of coughing comes from behind the door. He opens it to find a very miserable looking Jessie and James, huddled together for warmth and wrapped in several blankets. They're obviously sick, and he sighs as he raises a vindictive claw at them]_

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Meowth: Didn't I tell youse two not to go out in da snow?

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Jessie: [_With difficulty_] But we love the snow Meowth!

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James: We just wanted a break from trying to capture PPik achoo! [_Jessie hands him a tissue_]

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Meowth: [_Softens_] Ya really do look awful! Anythin' Meowth can do for ya?

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Jessie: It's boring being cooped up in here! 

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James: I agree, and we've watched every video, played every game and read just about every magazine and book we own!

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Meowth: [_Grins as he gets an idea_] Not every book, wait here!

[_The two Rockets blink in confusion as Meowth dashes from the room, and comes back a mere seconds later, brandishing an old leather bound book neither of them have seen before_]

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Jessie: Where'd you get that Meowth?

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James: I've never seen it before, and I read a lot more than Jessie!

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Meowth: I've had it a while, I found it when I was just a lil' kitten on da streets, and when I finally loined to read, I read for myself! And since youse guys are bored, I figured it would be good for ya!

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James: Ooo! Is it a romance? Full of beautiful accounts of love and devotion?

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Jessie: No not romance! An adventure story! With a dashing heroine and sword fights and evil counts and odd motley crews of companions! 

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Meowth: Actually, if ya listen, it's got everything in it!

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Jessie: But mushy romance?

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James: And battles?

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Jessie/James: I don't wanna hear that! 

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Meowth: Well too bad! Move ova I'm sitting between yas! "Da Rocket bride" by Mystik Vay. Porion

[_He curls up between his friends, and despite the opinions about the story, they grin like children and huddle closer to hear_]

[_From here on, the Meowth will be known as the Narrator_]

[_Scene shows a young man who looks remarkably like the blue-haired rocket we just left, and a young red-haired servant girl. The boy has intelligent inquisitive emerald green eyes, and he looks to be in his mid teens_]

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Narrator: James was raised on an enormous mansion in da country of Florin. His favorite past-times were playing wit' his pet Growlithe and tormenting da Soivant goil that worked dere. Her name was Jessie. But he never called her dat. Isn't dat a wonderful beginning?

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Jessie: [_with no enthusiasm_] Yeah..it's really good.

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James: This sounds familiar, you're not replacing the names are you?

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Meowth: Shut up an listen!

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Narrator: Nothing gave James as much pleasure as ordering Jessie around.

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James: Servantgirl, clean the floors of Growlie's mansion. I want to see my face shining in them by morning.

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Jessie: As you Wish.

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Narrator: 'As ya wish' was all she eva said ta him.

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James: [_Holding out two Pokeballs_] Servantgirl Put these in my room....please?

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Jessie: As you wish.

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Narrator: Dat day he was amazed ta discova dat when she was saying 'as ya wish,' what she meant was, 'I love ya.' And even more amazing was da day he realized he truly loved her back.

[_Scene changes to an older looking James, standing in the backyard of the mansion where he's enjoying a light lunch he invited the servant girl to_]

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James: [_Softly_] Servantgirl, fetch me that pitcher. [_Points to the pitcher_]

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Jessie: [_taking the pitcher and whispering as she hands it to him_] As you wish....

[_Scene cuts to Jessie and James standing in the crimson light of a gorgeous sunset, but just as their lips meet, the ill Rockets interject_]

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Jessie: [_interrupting the story_] Hold it! Hold it! What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the heroine? Where's the battles and blood and gore? [_Frowns_] Is this a kissing book?

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Meowth: Wait, just wait.

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Jessie: Well when does it get good?

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Meowth: Keep yer shirt on an' let me read.

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Narrator: Jessie had no money fer marriage so she packed her few belongings an' left da mansion ta seek her fortune across da sea. It was a very emotional time fer James.

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[Jessie]: [_Interrupting_] I don't believe this!

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James: [_crying_] I'm afraid I'll never see you again...

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Jessie: Of course you will.

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James: But what if something happens to you?

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Jessie: Hear this now, I will always come for you.

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James: But how can you be sure?

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Jessie: This is true love. You think this happens every day? [_They kiss and she leaves_]

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Narrator: Jessie didn't reach her destination. Her ship was attacked by da Dread Pirate Giovanni, who never left captives alive. When James got da news dat Jessie was moidered...

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[Jessie]: [_interrupting_] Murdered by pirates is good!

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Narrator: [_continuing_] He went into his room and shut da door, and for days he neitha slept nor ate.

[_James lifts his tear-stained face to the window, looking to the horizon wistfully_]

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James: I will never love again.

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Narrator: Five years lata da main square of Florin City was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the Great Princess Jessibelle's bride to be.

[_Scene shows a tower where the royal family is gathered with a girl who looks remarkably like James' lost Jessie, with her red hair tied into two enormous curls. She wears an elaborate gown and clears her throat to get the crowds attention_] 

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Jessibelle: [_Trumpets blaring_] Mah people! A month from now, our country will have its 500th Anniversary. On that sundown I shall marry a man who was once a commoner like yourselves. But perhaps you will not find him common now. Would ya'll like to meet him?!

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Crowd: [_echoing_] Yes!!!

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Jessibelle: My people, the Prince James!

[_The crowd parts to reveal a very distraught and unhappy looking James dressed in an outfit matching that of Jessibelle's in royal colors and he steps forward miserably. The blue, tailed, coat jacket has elegant gold buttons and a high collar that forces him to look up in stature, and his white pants and black knee-height boots with decorative gold lacing and deep blue tassels_]

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Narrator: James' emptiness consumed him. Although da law of da land gave Jessibelle da right ta choose her groom, he did not love her. Despite Jessibelle's reassurance that he would grow to love her, the only joy he found was in his daily ride.

[_The scene fades to James riding a Rapidash the next morning. He rides across rolling hills and other gorgeous scenery and for once he looks mildly happy, until he enters a forest where three people are gathered. One is a rather short, red-haired girl, another a lanky young man with unruly black hair, and another very large bulky man with spiky brown hair and constantly squinting eyes_]

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Misty: [_halting James_] A word my kind sir? ...We are but poor lost water ballet performers. Is there a village nearby?

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James: There is nothing nearby. Not for miles.

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Misty: [_Grins_] Then there will be no one to hear you scream...

[_James opens his mouth to scream, but the giant quickly grabs the prince by the neck, rendering him unconscious. They pull him from the Rapidash and carry him to a small ship harbored in a nearby dock]_

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First young man [Ash Ketchum]: [_To misty_] What is that you're ripping?

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Misty: It's fabric from the uniform of an army officer of Guilder!

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Giant [Brock]: Who is Guilder?

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Misty: The country across the sea! The sworn enemy of Florin!

[_Misty attaches the cloth to James' Rapidash and sends it running into the forest_]

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Misty: Go!!! Once the Rapidash reaches the castle, the fabric will make the princess suspect that the Guilderians have abducted her love. When she finds his body dead on the Guilder frontier her suspicions will be totally confirmed!

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Brock: You never said anything about killing anyone

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Misty: [_angrily_] I hired you to help me start a war. It's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition!

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Brock: I just don't think it's right...killing an innocent boy.

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Misty: Am I going mad, or did the word 'think' escape your lips?!! You were not hired for your brains you hippotanic land mass!!

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Ash:[_interrupting_] I agree with Brock.

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Misty: Oh, the sot has spoken! What happens to him is not truly your concern! I will kill him! And remember this, never forget this; [_yelling_] When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk, you couldn't buy brandy!!! [_Turning to Brock_] And you! Friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless!! Do you want me to send you to where you were? Unemployed, in Viridian forest!?!

[_Misty walks away, angered, and sets the ship free_]

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Ash: Misty, she can...fuss.

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Brock: Fuss, fuss, I think she likes to scream at us.

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Ash: Probably she means no...harm.

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Brock: She's very very short on...charm.

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Ash: You have a great gift for rhyme.

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Brock: Yes, yes, some of the time.

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Misty: [_overhearing Brock_] Enough of that!

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Ash: Brock, are there rocks ahead?

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Brock: If there are, we all be dead.

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Misty: No more rhymes now, I mean it!

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Brock: Anybody want a peanut?

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Misty: Aauuuggghhhhh!!!!!!

[_Scene fades to the ship sailing in calm waters at night. James is sitting at the head of the ship, staring wistfully into a full moon, as if remembering something painful, while the others man the vessel_]

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Misty: We'll reach the cliffs by dawn. [_Turns to Ash_] Why are you doing that? [_directed at Ash who is staring behind_]

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Ash:Making sure nobody is following us.

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Misty: That would be inconceivable.

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James: [_Turns from the moon to interject into the conversation_] Despite what you think, you will be caught; and when you are, the princess will see you all hanged.

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Misty: Of all the necks on this boat, highness, the one you should be worrying about is your own....[_pausing, then glancing at Ash_] Stop doing that! We can all relax! It's almost over.

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Ash: Are you sure nobody is following us?

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Misty: As I told you it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable! No one in Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. [_pauses_] Out of curiosity, why do you ask?

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Ash:Suddenly, I just happened to look behind us and something is there.

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Misty: [_in disbelief_] What?! [_Turns, only_ _now spying a ship in the distance and shrugs_] ...Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through Gyrados infested waters.

[_A splash is heard as the captive prince leaps over the edge of the ship in a feeble but noble attempt to escape_]

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Misty: What?! Go in!! Go after him!!!

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Ash: [_frankly_] I don't swim.

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Brock: [_turning to Misty_] I only dog-paddle...[Mimics the act]

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Misty: Aauuuggghhhhh!!!!!!

[_She runs to steer the ship frantically, but goes to the edge to find the wayward Prince_]

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Misty: Veer left! ...left! ...left![_suddenly, horrible screeching is heard and she grins at the confused James_] Do you know what that sound is, highness? [Those are the shrieking Gyrados! [James looks about, panicked as a few blue streaks whiz by him in the water] If you don't believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh! If you swim back now I promise no harm will come to you...I doubt you'll get such an offer from the Gyrados!

[James makes no move to swim back, but his green eyes widen as a Gyrados rears from the water and speeds straight for him. He closes his eyes in terror and the scene cuts away to the two ill Rockets and their feline cohort]

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Meowth: [_Narrator_] He doesn't get eaten by da Gyrados at dis time.

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James: W-what?

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Meowth: The Gyrados doesn't get him...I'm explainin' to ya because ya looked noivous.

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Jessie: We...we weren't nervous. Well maybe we were a little bit...concerned but that's not the same thing.

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James: Right!

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Meowth: ...Because we can stop now if ya want.

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James: No, you could read a little bit more If you want to that is. [_Looks pleadingly at the cat to continue_]

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Meowth: [_reading Misty's part_] 'Do you know what that sound is highness? Those are the shrieking Gyrados!'

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Jessie: Pass that, Meowth. You read it already.

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Meowth: I did? Ak, so I did. I'm sorry. Beg your pardon. [_now mumbling to himself_] alright, alright, lets see..uh...He was in the water, the Gyrados was going after him, he was frightened, the thing started to charge him and then...

[Scene cuts back to the story and _Brock reaches out of the boat, hits the Gyrados on the head, and pulls James back on Board_]

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Misty: Put him down! Just put him down!

{Brock sets James gently on the floor of the boat, seemingly very concerned about his wellbeing] 

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Ash: [_looking back at the other ship again_] I think she's getting closer!

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Misty: She's no concern of ours! Sail on! [_now, turning to James_] I suppose you think you're brave, don't you?

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James: Only compared to some.

[_Dawn breaks on the tiny ship, revealing Ash still standing sentinel and looking to the shop following them. James has fallen asleep, leaning against the hull, Brock seems to be dozing off, but Misty stands at the head of the ship, grinning as they approach an extremely tall, jagged and rocky cliff on a lush green shore_]

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Ash:Look! She is right on top of us! I wonder if she's using the same wind we are using?

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Misty: Whoever she is, she's too late! See! [_pointing skyward_] The Cliffs of Insanity!!! Hurry up! [_Motions to miscellaneous parts of the boat_] Move..the thing...and that other thing! Move it!!! [_climbing out_] Were safe, only Brock is strong enough to go up our way. He'll have to sail around for hours 'till he finds a harbor.

[_Brock, all three holding on to him, proceeds to climb a rope up the side of the cliff. James seems terrified, burying his face into Brock's side as Ash glances downward_]

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Ash: [_in amazement_] She's climbing the rope....and she's gaining on us.

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Misty: Inconceivable! ....Faster!!

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Brock: I thought I was going faster.

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Misty: You were supposed to be this colossus, you were this great legendary thing and yet she gains!

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Brock: Well, I'm carrying three people, and she got only herself.

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Misty: I do not accept excuses! I'm just going to have to find myself a new giant, that's all.

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Brock: Don't say that, Misty, please?

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Misty: Did I make it clear that your job is at stake?

[_Brock reaches the cliff, and very gently helps the stricken James over to a large rock to rest. Ash remains staring down at the mysterious woman but Misty reacts instantly, pulling out a small dagger to slash the rope. Everyone watches as it careens of the edge and disappears. Everyone but James, who remains sitting, dash over to it and look down to see a lithe young woman clad only in black still clinging for dear life to the sharp rocks of the cliff._]

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Brock: She's got very good arms.

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Misty: She didn't fall! Inconceivable!

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Ash:[_looking confused_] Why you keep using that word? I do not think it means what you think it means...[_looking back down to see the woman is higher up and still proceeding_] My god...She's climbing.

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Misty: Whoever she is, she's obviously seen us with the prince and must therefore die.You [_to Brock_] carry him. [Points to James] [_to Ash_] We'll head straight for the Guilder frontier. Catch up when she's dead. If she falls, fine; if not, the sword.

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Ash: I'm going to do her left-handed.

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Misty: You know what a hurry we're in!

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Ash:Well, it is the only way I can be satisfied. If I use my right, it's over too quickly.

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Misty: Oh have it your way.

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Brock: [_to Ash_] You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.

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Misty: [_impatiently_] I'm waiting...

[_Brock shrugs and gingerly lifts James from the ground, slinging him over his back. He walks off with Misty, leaving Ash. He draws his sword, lunges forward in a practice maneuver and spars with and blocks an invisible opponent. He eventually grows restless and leans over the edge, waving cordially to the woman scaling the sheer face of the cliff_]

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Ash: Hello there. Slow going?

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Woman in black: Look, I don't mean to be rude but this is not as easy as it looks, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me.

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Ash: [_apologetic_] Sorry.

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Woman in black: Thank You.

[_Ash turns back, but almost instantly appears over the edge of the cliff again_]

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Ash: [_pauses_] I do not suppose you could speed things up?

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Woman in black: If you're in such a hurry you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do.

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Ash:I could do that. I still got some rope up here. But I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.

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Woman in black: That does put a damper on our relationship.

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Ash: ...but, I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.

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Woman in black: That's very comforting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.

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Ash: I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a Twerp?

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Woman in black: [_struggling up the cliff side_] No good. I've known too many Twerps.

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Ash: Is there another way you'll trust me?

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Woman in black: Nothing comes to mind.

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Ash: I swear on the soul of my dearly departed Pokemon Pokemon, Pikachu, you will reach the top alive.

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Woman in black: [_Looks up in understanding and trust_] Throw me the rope.

[_Ash nods gratefully and retrieves the rope Misty had cut, throwing the sliced end down to the Woman in Black. She accepts it, climbing the rest of the way with ease, allowing Ash to help her, out of breath, onto the top of the cliff]_

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Woman in black: [_exhausted_] Thank you. [_She struggles to draw his sword, but Ash raises a hand to stop her_]

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Ash: Wait wait wait wait wait wait 'till you're ready.

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Woman in black: Again, thank you. [_She sits down on a nearby rock, removing on of her black knee-high boots and dumping a great deal of rocks from it. Ash notes her outrageously long red hair as she puts it back on and adjusts the black mask she wears over her inquisitive azure eyes_]

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Ash:I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?

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Woman in black: [_Pauses, but lifts her hand_ _revealing five fingers_] Do you always begin conversations this way?

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Ash:My Pikachu was slaughtered by a six fingered trainer. He was a great Pokemon, my Pikachu. When the six-fingered trainer appeared and requested a special Pokemon for a battle, my Pikachu took the job. He slaved a year in training before he was done.

[_Ash reaches into his tunic and pulls out a picture of a Pikachu. It seems to be in extraordinarily good shape, and the woman in Black inspects it carefully, then hands it back to Ash_]

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Woman in black: I've never seen its equal.

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Ash:Six fingered trainer appear and demanded it...but at one-tenth their promised price. My Pikachu refuse. Without a word, the six fingered trainer slash him through the heart. [_Fervently_] I loved my Pikachu, so naturally I challenged this man to a duel. I failed...Six fingered trainer leave me alive, but they gave me this [_Ash shows the woman in black a short scar along his cheek bone_] and this [_another scar to match it_].

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Woman in black: How old were you?

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Ash:I was eleven years old. When I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing; so the next time we meet I will not fail. I will go up to the six fingered trainer and say 'Hello, my name is Ash Ketchum. You killed my Pikachu. Prepare to die.'

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Woman in black: [_intrigued_] You've done nothing but study sword-play?

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Ash:More pursue more than study lately. You see, I cannot find the trainer...it's been twenty years now and I'm starting to lose confidence. I just work for Misty to pay to bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge.

[_The woman in black mulls the story over for a bit, but eventually she draws in a deep breath and stands, drawing her sword._]

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Woman in black: Well I....I certainly hope you find that trainer someday.

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Ash: You all ready then?

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Woman in black: Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair.

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Ash: [_drawing his sword_] You seem a decent fellow...I hate to kill you.

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Woman in black: You seem a decent fellow...I'd hate to die.

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Ash: [_confidently_] Begin.

[_The duo touches swords and they begin. The two fighters seem to be of equal talent, the force of their blows forcing each back interchangeably and Ash eventually forces the woman in black to the top of an old ruin]_

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Ash: You are using Bonetties Defense against me, ah?

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Woman in black: I thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain.

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Ash: Naturally, you must suspect me to attack with Capa Fero?

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Woman in black: Naturally...but I find that Tibal cancels out Capa Fero. Don't you?

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Ash: Unless the enemy has studied his Agliepa...which I have.

[_They continue to exchange attacks and parries, and Ash grins as if he remembered something humorous, lunging forward toward the strange woman which she avoids artfully_]

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Ash: You are wonderful!

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Woman in black: Thank you. I've worked hard to become so.

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Ash: I admit it, you are better than I am.

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Woman in black: Then why are you smiling?

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Ash: Because I know something you don't know.

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Woman in black: And what is that?

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Ash: [_His grin broadens as he deftly tosses his sword into his other hand_] I am not left-handed!

[_The turn of the battle changes, and Ash forces the woman in black to a high remnant of an old tower, slamming her against the crumbling stone wall. She looks down to the ground below and winces as a brick smashes against it, but smiles as she turns back to Ash_]

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Woman in black: You're amazing!

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Ash: I ought to be after twenty years.

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Woman in black: [_struggling to keep Ash from pushing her over_] There's something I ought to tell you.

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Ash: Tell me!

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Woman in black: I'm not left-handed either.

[_The woman in black switches her sword hands, knocking the sword from Ash's hand with on deft movement. He whirled around, and spots a small wooden bar that was once the top of a door. He leaps into the air, gripping it as he swings gracefully over it, landing squarely to pick up his sword. The woman in black merely grins, tossing her sword into a small tuft of grass, where it sticks neatly straight up. She jumps up to the same bar, flipping over it twice and launching herself into the air. She executes her landing with extreme precision directly behind her sword and she grins devilishly at Ash before plucking it practically from the ground, much to his astonishment_]

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Ash: [_in awe_] Who are you?

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Woman in black: No one of consequence.

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Ash: I must know.

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Woman in black: Get used to disappointment.

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Ash: [_disappointed_] Okay...

[_The battle rages on again, this time, the woman in black is dominating. Ash becomes flustered as she gains control of his blade, sweeping it in a wide arc out of his hand and he closes his eyes as he feels cold steel against his throat]_

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Ash: [_kneeling_] Kill me quickly.

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Woman in black: I would as soon destroy a stained glass window as an artist like yourself. However, since I can't have you following me either...

[_The woman in black raises the hilt of her sword above Ash's head, and brings it down sharply to knock him unconscious. She smiles courteously as he crumples to the ground and bows in regard]_

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Woman in black: [_sincerely_] Please understand I hold you in the highest respect.

[_The woman in black leaves the unconscious Ash on the ground, and runs off along the path she sees Misty's and Brock's footprints heading. They see her from the base of a tall hill, and Misty scowls as she knows Ash is beaten_]

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Misty: Inconceivable!! Give him to me! [_He takes James from Brock_] Catch up with us quickly!

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Brock: What do I do?

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Misty: Finish her! Finish her...your way...

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Brock: Oh good. My way. Thank you Misty. Which way's my way?

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Misty: [_irritated_] Pick up one of those rocks, get behind a boulder, and in a few minutes the woman in black will come running around the bend. The minute her HEAD is in view hit it with the rock!

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Brock: [_to himself_] My way is not very sportsman-like.

[_The woman in Black continues to run, her eyes focused on the black spot of Misty and Prince James disappearing over the crest of the hill. She stops as a huge rock whizzes by her head, exploding with a flurry of shards on a larger rock next to her. She looks to the origin of the assault and assumes a defensive stance as a huge, tanned and bulky man steps out from behind a boulder, brandishing another stone_]

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Brock: I did that on purpose. I didn't have to miss.

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Woman in black: I believe you. [_pauses_] So what happens now?

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Brock: We face each other as god intended; sportsman-like...no tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.

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Woman in black: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?

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Brock: [_holding up a large rock_] I could kill you now.

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Woman in black: [_She sets her sword down warily_] Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.

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Brock: It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.

[_The woman in black charges Brock, wrapping her arms about his waist in an attempt to knock him down. It doesn't work however, and she tries several more times, each as unsuccessful as the last_]

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Woman in black: [_agitated_] Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?

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Brock: I just want you to feel you are doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed. [_Brock grasps at the woman, but she ducks deftly under his cumbersome legs, alluding his grasp_] You're quick!

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Woman in black: Good thing too.

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Brock: [_swinging at the man in black_] Why are you wearing a mask? Were you burned by acid or something like that?

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Woman in black: Oh no, it's just they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.

[_The woman in black manages to leap onto Brock's back, encircling her arms about his neck in an attempt to choke him. He reacts quite sensibly, slamming his back as well as the thin young woman against a boulder_]

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Brock: I just feared you would give me so much trouble.

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Woman in black: Why is that, do you think?

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Brock: Well, I haven't fought just one person for so long...[_struggles more with the woman in black_]...I've been specializing in groups, fighting gangs for local charities...that kind of thing.

[_Brock makes his way slowly to another boulder as he begins to lose his struggled with air_] 

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Woman in black: Why should that make such a [_Brock slams her hard against another boulder, and her speech is impaired with pain as she speaks again_] difference?

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Brock: [_slowing down_] You see, you use different moves when your fighting half a dozen people, then when you only have to worry about one.

[_Brock finally loses his altercation for air, collapsing to the ground with the woman in black on top of him. She doesn't move, but probes under his jaw to ensure he's still alive. Finding a steady pulse, she slides off, and kneels by him reverently_]

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Woman in black: I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But in the meantime, rest well and dream of large women.

[_She pats his back affectionately and stands to gather her sword and continue her pursuit of Misty and James_]

[_The scene cuts to Princess Jessibelle and her guard, which are mounted on gallant Rapidash and casting cynical looks toward to red-haired yung woman who had long dismounted, and was examining the battleground of Ash and the woman in black. With him is his trusted advisor, Count Gary Oak, who rides up to him to urge him on_]

****

Jessibelle: [_examining the ground_] There was a mighty duel. It ranged all over. They were both masters.

****

Count Gary: Who won? How did it end?

****

Jessibelle: The loser ran off alone, and the winner followed those footprints toward Guilder...

****

Count Gary: Shall we track them both?

****

Jessibelle: The loser is nothin'. Only mah beloved prince matters. Clearly this was all planned by unrefined roguish warriors of Guilder! We must all be ready for whatever lies ahead.

****

Count Gary: Could this be a trap?

****

Jessibelle: Ah always think everythin' could be a trap. That is why Ah am still alive.

[_Jessibelle and her guard ride off to the sound of the trumpets, and the scene cuts back to the woman in black]_

[The woman in black crests the hill in a run, but stops as she chances upon a small table set up at the very top. Misty sits behind it with a bound and blindfolded Prince James next to her, pressing a dagger threateningly into his throat. She has food and wine set out, and she grins sadistically at the woman in black as she steps cautiously toward him]

****

Misty: So, it is down to you, and it is down to me...if you wish him dead, by all means keep moving forward.

****

Woman in black: [_Stops in her tracks, for a moment, but continues_] Let me explain...

****

Misty: There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen.

****

Woman in black: Perhaps an arrangement can be reached?

****

Misty: There will be no arrangements...and you're killing him. [_James whimpers as he feels the dagger being jammed harder into his throat_]

****

Woman in black: But if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.

****

Misty: I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.

****

Woman in black: You're that smart?

****

Misty: Let me put it this way: Have you ever heard or Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?

****

Woman in black: Yes.

****

Misty: Morons!

****

Woman in black: Really! In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.

****

Misty: For the prince? [_She nods_] To the death? [_She nods again_] I accept! [_Misty puts the dagger down_]

****

Woman in black: Good, then pour the wine. 

[_Misty pours the wine, and the woman in black takes out a small wooden vile and uncorks it, extending it out to Misty_] Inhale this but do not touch.

****

Misty: [_taking a vial from the woman in black and sniffing it_] I smell nothing.

****

Woman in black: What you do not smell is Iocaine powder. It is odorless, tasteless, and dissolves instantly in liquid and is among the more deadly poisons known to man.

****

Misty: [_shrugs with laughter_] Hmmm.

[_The woman takes both goblets of wine, taking them behind her back and pouring the Iocaine powder into presumably one of them. She pockets the vial of poison, and extends the goblets to the table. With a slight, deft movement of her hands, she mimics the manner of a magician, and sets the two drinking vessels down_]

****

Woman in black: Alright, where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink - and find out who is right, and who is dead.

****

Misty: But it's so simple! All I have to do is divine it from what I know of you. Are you the sort of woman who would put the poison into her own goblet or her enemy's? Now, a clever woman would put the poison into her own goblet because she would know that only a great fool would reach for what she was given. I am not a great fool so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you...But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

****

Woman in black: You've made your decision then?

****

Misty: [_happily_] Not remotely! Because Iocaine comes from Australia. As everyone knows, Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So, I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

****

Woman in black: [_Nodding mockingly_] Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

****

Misty: Wait 'till I get going!! ...where was I?

****

Woman in black: Australia.

****

Misty: Yes! Australia! And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

****

Woman in black: You're just stalling now.

****

Misty: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you! You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong...so you could have put the poison in your own goblet trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Twerp, which means you must have studied...and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!

****

Woman in black: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.

****

Misty: It has worked! You've given everything away! I know where the poison is!

****

Woman in black: Then make your choice.

****

Misty: I will, and I choose...[_pointing behind the man in black_] What in the world can that be?

****

Woman in black: [_turning around, while Misty switches goblets with a delighted grin_] What?! Where?! I don't see anything.

****

Misty: Oh, well, I...I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.[_Misty bursts into quite snickers_]

****

Woman in black: What's so funny?

****

Vizzini: I...I'll tell you in a minute. First, lets drink, me from my glass and you from yours.

[_They cast each other critical glances as they both drink slowly, both looking as if they know the other is wrong_]

****

Woman in black: You guessed wrong.

****

Misty: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha, you fool!! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia; and only slightly less well known is this: Never go in against a Waterflower, when death is on the line!

[_Misty bursts into peals of absolute hysterical laughter, and the woman in black remains completely composed. She merely watches as Misty suddenly stops all movement and laughter, and falls heavily to the side, dead before she even hit the ground. She smiles wickedly to herself and moves to the Prince, removing his blindfold, and moving to untie his wrists and ankles. He looks to his rescuer, seemingly disappointed her face is hidden by a mask, but there's something about her that seems familiar to him_]

****

James: Who are you?

****

Woman in black: I'm no one to be trifled with. That is all you'll ever need know.

****

James: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.

****

Woman in black: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up immunity to iocaine powder.

[_The scene switches back to Jessibelle and her men, who are at the scene of the woman in black and Brock's battle_]

****

Jessibelle: Someone has beaten a giant. There will be great suffering in Guilder if mah dahling James dies!

[_The scene jumps back to the woman in black, who is leading a very distressed and reluctant Price James across a jagged rocky terrain. She stops suddenly, and throws the blue-haired youth onto a nearby rock sharply_]

****

Woman in black: Catch your breath.

****

James: If you'll release me, whatever you ask for ransom you'll get it, I promise you.

****

Woman in black: [_laughing_] And what is that worth... the promise of a man...You're very funny highness.

****

James: [_catching her breath_] I was giving you a chance. It does not matter where you take me. There is no greater hunter than Princess Jessibelle. She can track a falcon on a cloudy day.She can find you.

****

Woman in black: You think your dearest love will save you?

****

James: [_insulted_] I never said she was my dearest love. And yes, she will save me - that I know.

****

Woman in black: [_surprised_] You admit to me you do not love your fiance?.

****

James: She knows I do not love her.

****

Woman in black: [_snapping_] ...Are not capable of love is what you mean.

****

James: [_taken back_] I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream!

****

Woman in black: [_raising his hand at James, who turns his head to accept the strike that never comes_] That was a warning, highness! The next time my hand flies on its own; where I come from there are penalties when a man lies.

[_The scene cuts back to Jessibelle, examining the last battle scene where Misty still lies dead with the wine and food_]

****

Jessibelle: Iocaine!Ah'd bet my life on it. And there are the prince's footprints. He is alive, or was an hour ago...if he is otherwise, Ah shall be very put out!

[_Back to the woman in black and the prince, who are still running, but stop at the top of an unnaturally high hill]_

****

Woman in black: Rest, highness.

****

James: I know who you are. Your cruelty reveals everything. You're the Dread Pirate Giovanni, admit it!

****

Woman in black: With pride. What can I do for you?

****

James: You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces.

****

Woman in black: [_shaking his head_] Hardly complimentary, your highness...Why do you assure venom on me?

****

James: [_upset_] You killed my love.

****

Woman in black: It's possible, I kill a lot of people. Who was this love of yours?Another princess like this one...ugly, rich, and scabby?

****

James: No, a servant girl...poor! Poor and perfect, with eyes like the sea after a storm. On the high-seas your ship attacked, and the Dread Pirate Giovanni never takes prisoners!

****

Woman in black: I can't afford to make exceptions. I mean once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft people begin to disobey her and its nothing but work, work, work all the time.

****

James: You mock my pain!

****

Man in black: Life is pain, highness! Anyone who says differently is selling something. [_pausing for a bit_]I remember this servantgirl of yours I think.This would be what? Five years ago? Does it bother you to hear?

****

James: Nothing you can say will upset me.

****

Man in black: She died well, that should please you. No bribe attempts or blubbering. She simply said please, please, I need to live. It was the please that caught my memory. I asked what was so important for her; 'True love' she replied. And then he spoke of a boy of surpassing tenderness, beauty and faithfulness...I can only assume she meant you. You should bless me for destroying her before he found out what you really are.

****

James: And what am I?

****

Woman in black: Faithfulness he talked of, sir, your enduring faithfulness! Now tell me truly, when you found out she was gone did you get engaged to your princess that same hour or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?!

****

James: You mocked me once! Never do it again! I died that day!

[_Horns resound over the hillside, and the woman in black turns to look as Jessibelle, Count Gary and the rest of his forces appear in the distance. Seeing his chance, James puts his hands on the woman's shoulders, preparing to shove her_]

****

James: [_Pushing her down the hillside_] You can die too, for all I care!!

****

Woman in black: [_tumbling down and echoing_] As.......you.....wish.......

****

James: [_shocked, finally realizing what he has done_] Oh, my sweet Jessie, what have I done?

[_James hurls himself down the mountain after his beloved as Jessibelle nears it]_

****

Jessibelle: They disappeared. They must have seen us closin' in, which might account for her panickin' into error. Unless Ah'm wrong, and Ah'm never wrong, they are headed straight into that icky and discgustin' fire swamp! [_Squeals in disgust_]

[_Jessie and James finally come to a stop at the base of the hill, and Jessie id the first up, revealing she has lost her black mask as she moves to help James_]

****

Jessie: Can you move at all?

****

James: [looks up, _joyous_] Move? You're alive! If you want I could fly.

****

Jessie: [_holding James_] I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?

****

James: [_sincerely_] Well, you were dead.

****

Jessie: But death cannot stop true love...All it can do is delay it for awhile.

****

James: I will never doubt again.

****

Jessie: There will never be a need.

[_Jessie and James close their eyes as their lips meet in their first kiss for far too long_]

****

[Jessie]: [_interrupting the story_] Oh, no! No. Please!

****

Meowth: What is it? What's da matta?

****

[Jessie]: [_disgusted_] They're kissing again. We are NOT listening to the kissing part!

****

Meowth: Someday ya might not mind so much.

****

James: Get on to the fire swamp, that sounded good!

****

Meowth: Eh...yer sick, I'll humor ya. Oh, okay....[_Meowth flips past the romance scene and find the page where they enter the fire swamp_]

****

Meowth: Jessie and James raced along the ravine floor.

****

Jessie: Aha! Your pig fiance? Is too late! A few more steps and we'll be safe in the fire swamp.

****

James: [_worried_] We'll never survive.

****

Jessie: [_confident_] Nonsense! You're only saying that because no one ever has.

[_Jessie and James continue along their path into the dank dreary swamp. It's completely dark, and everything in of a sickly green or black color. The trees hang with moss, and drip with a putrid liquid which the duo wrinkles their nose at as Jessie slices through some outrageously large spiderwebs with her sword] _

****

Jessie: It's not that bad...[_receives a glance from James_] Well I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here but the trees are actually quite lovely.

[_They continue on until a loud popping sound is heard. They stop, unsure of what it is, and are answered by a blast of fire erupting from the ground. James leaps back as the decorative tassels on his knee-high boots catch fire, shrieking but allowing Jessie to seat him on a log. She remains composed, and is able to smother the flames with ease]_

****

Jessie: Well now, that was an adventure. Singed a bit, were you?

****

James: [_nervously shaking his head no_] You?

[_Jessie simply shakes her head no, and lifts James from the log, and they continue on their way. The same popping sound is heard and Jessie lifts James artfully, her eyes never straying from their path as she sets him down out of the path of the flame]_

****

Jessie: Well, one thing I will say; the fire swamp certainly does keep you on your toes. This will all soon be but a happy memory. [_Jessie cuts through a mass of vines_] Giovanni's ship Revenge is banked at the far end. And as you know I am Giovanni.

****

James: But how's that possible, since he's been marauding 20 years and you only left me 5 years ago?

****

Jessie: I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks. See, what I told you before about saying please was true...it intrigued Giovanni, as did my descriptions of you. Finally, Roberts decided something. He said, 'Alright Jessie, never had a valet, you can try if you'd like. I'm most likely to kill you in the morning.' For three years said that. 'Good night Jessie, good work, sleep well, I'm most likely to kill you in the morning.' It was a fine time for me - I was learning to fence, fight, anything anyone would teach me.Giovanni and I eventually became friends. And then it happened. [_She stops_]

****

James: What? Go on.

****

Jessie: Well Giovanni had grown so rich, he wanted to retire.He took me to his cabin and told me his secret. 'I am not the Dread Pirate Giovanni,' he said 'my name is Ryar. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Giovanni, just as you will inherit it from me.

****

Jessie: [_continuing_] The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Roberts either - his name was Cumberbun. The real Giovanni had been retired 15 years and was living like a king in Patagonia.' Thank you. Then he explained the name was the important for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Jessie. So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew and he stayed aboard for awhile as first mate, all the time calling me Giovanni.Once the crew believed, he left the ship and I have been Giovanni ever since.Except now that were together, I shall retire and hand the name over to someone else. Is everything clear to you?

[_James nods, but mere seconds later he steps into a pit of suspicious looking sand, disappearing beneath it in an instant. Jessie thinks and reacts quickly, cutting a secure vine loose from a tree, tying it about herself and diving in after her beloved. There is a moment of silence as an odd creature cautiously inspects the patch of sand where the two humans disappeared. Finally deciding it wasn't worth the effort, the creature turned to leave, only to be startled by the sound of both people bursting from the sand. Jessie draws in a deep breath, feeling James still clinging for dear life onto her, and using the previously devised vine, she drags them both out of the pit. She holds James close as they both weakly crawl to safety, coughing and gasping for breath]_

****

James: We'll never succeed. We may as well die here.

****

Jessie: No, no. [_still gasping_] We have already succeeded. [_She stands, bringing James with her as she strides away from the sand_] I mean, what are the three terrors of the fire swamp? One, the flame spurt - no problem- there's a popping sound preceding each. We can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.

****

James: Jessie, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?

****

Jessie: Ratatta's Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.

[_The second Jessie finishes her sentence, as if just to prove her wrong, a huge purple rat Pokemon leaps from nowhere and knocks her to the ground]_

****

James: [_screaming_] Jessie!!

[_Jessie attempts to fend off the Ratatta, but to ward off a furious hyper fang attack, she raises her arms in defense, the rodent latches onto it and she screams in pain. James grabs a nearby tree branch and is able to ward it off, but as Jessie tries to overpower it again, it manages to get its teeth around her shoulder. She cries out in agony again, but grins sadistically as she recognizes the popping sound of the fire spurts. The red-head rolls over just as it erupts, placing the Ratatta's back directly in the line of the fire. It howls in agony and hobbles away, but Jessie draws her sword, stabbing it a few times even after it was dead, just for good measure. Jessie grabs James' arm and they press on_]

__

[Scene cuts to outside of the fire swamp, where Jessie and James emerge looking quite beaten and ragged, but victorious]

****

James: [_triumphantly_] We did it!

****

Jessie: Now, was that so terrible?

[_All of a sudden, a furious galloping of Rapidash is heard, and Jessie narrows her eyes as Jessibelle rides directly up to her]_

****

Jessibelle: Surrender!

****

Jessie: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well then, I accept.

****

Jessibelle: Ah give you full marks for bravery. Don't make your lil old self a fool.

****

Jessie: Ah, but how will you capture us? We know the secrets of the fire swamp.We can live there happily for some time, so whenever you feel like dying, feel free to visit.

[_Unbeknownst to Jessie, James spots several archers appear from the bushes, and knowing it would only take the signal from Jessibelle to take his Jessie from him forever]_

****

Jessibelle: Ah tell you once again, surrender!

****

Jessie: It will not happen! [_Jessie draws her sword_]

****

Jessibelle: [_shouting_] It's quite un-ladylike for me to yell, butFor the last time, surrender!

****

Jessie: Death first!

****

James: [_interrupting_] Will you promise not to hurt her?

****

Jessibelle: What was that?

****

Jessie: What was that?

****

James: If we surrender, and I return with you, will you promise not to hurt this woman?

****

Jessibelle: May I live a thousand years and never hunt again!

****

James: She is a sailor on the pirate ship Revenge. Promise to return her to her ship.

****

Jessibelle: I swear it will be done.[_Jessibelle whispers to Count Gary_] Once we're out of sight, take him back to Florin and throw him in the Pit of Despair.

****

Count Gary: I swear it will be done.

****

James: [_to Jessie_] I thought you were dead once, and it almost destroyed me. I could not bear it if you died again, not when I could save you.

[_Jessie grabs James' hands, letting them slip from her gasp as he is lifted onto Jessibelle's Rapidash and taken away, then turning to the man he left with her, Count Gary]_

****

Count Gary: [_to Jessie_] Come madam, we must get you to your ship.

****

Jessie: We are people of action, lies do not become us.

****

Count Gary: Well spoken Madam. [_He motions for the guards to escort him away, and Jessie grins as she notices the Count has six fingers._] What is it?

****

Jessie: You have six fingers on your right hand. Someone was looking for you...

[_Count Gary scowls at her and quickly knocks Jessie out with the hilt of his sword._]

[_Scene cuts to what appears to be a torture room, and a odd man with short, faded to nearly white teal hair enters and proceeds to where the unconscious Jessie lies strapped to a wooden platform. He notes the wound in her shoulder, and dips a cloth in water gingerly dabbing the blood away from it as she awakens_]

****

Jessie: Where am I?

****

Butch: [_in a raspy voice_] The Pit of Despair....don't even think...[_cough, gag_] [_Butch speaks again, and Jessie is shocked to hear his voice, remain raspy as it was before._] Don't even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. And don't dream of being rescued either, the only way in is secret. Only the Princess, the Count and I know how to get in and out.

****

Jessie: Then I'm here 'till I die?

****

Butch: 'Till they kill you, yeah.

****

Jessie: Then why bother curing me?

****

Butch: Well, the Princess and the Count always insist on everyone being healthy before they're broken.

****

Jessie: So it's to be torture. [_Butch gestures happily to the various devices in the room_] I can cope with torture. [_Butch vigorously shakes his head no and Jessie raises an eyebrow at him_] You don't believe me?

****

Butch: You survived the fire-swamp, you must be very brave. But nobody withstands "The Machine".

[_Scene cuts back to the castle, where Princess Jessibelle and Count Gary watch James mope miserably by. Jessibelle seems saddened herself, but only for a mere second before shrugging and turning to the count_]

****

Jessibelle: He's been like that ever since that simply dreadful fire swamp! It's mah father's failing health that's upsettin' him.

****

Count Gary: Of course.

****

Narrator: Da King died dat very night, and before da followin' dawn, James and Jessibelle were married. And at noon he met his subjects again, dis time as deir King.

****

Jessibelle: [_to anticipating crowd_] Mah poor beloved father's final words were...

[_interruption_]

****

James: Hold it! Hold it! [_Meowth looks up to see James clinging to an equally riveted looking Jessie_] Meowth, you read that wrong. He doesn't marry Jessibelle, he marries Jessie. I'm just sure of it...after all that Jessie did for him, if he didn't marry her, it wouldn't be fair.

****

Meowth: Well who says life is fair? Where is dat written? Life isn't always fair!

****

Jessie: [_angry_] We're telling you, you're messing up the story! Now get it right!

****

Meowth: Do ya want me ta go on wit' dis?

****

Jessie/James: [_apologetic_] Yes.

****

Meowth: Alright den, no more interruptions. At noon he met his subjects again, dis time as deir King.

[_Cut back to the story, where an overjoyed looking Jessibelle is standing_]

****

Jessibelle: Mah poor beloved father's final words were, 'Love him, as I loved him and there will be joy.?[_She looks confused at her sentence, but shrugs it off as she motions to a doorway leading into the courtyard_] Ah present to you, your King; King James!

[_There is fanfare as an utterly miserable looking James in an elaborate crown and long blue robe of the royal family steps timidly forward. The crowd parts to let him through, but a haggard old woman with two blonde pigtails rushes up, pointing an accusing finger at him_]

Cassidy:[_in a horrid voice_] Booooooo! Booooooo! Boooooooo!

****

James: [_upset_] Why do you do this?

****

Cassidy: Because you had love in your hands and you gave it up!

****

James: But they would have killed Jessie if I hadn't done it!

****

Cassidy:Your true love lives, and you marry another! [_She turns to the crowd as she speaks, pointing vindictively at James as she states the evidence_] True love saved him in the fire swamp, and he treated it like garbage! And that's what he is, the King of Refuse! So bow down to him if you want! Bow to him! Bow to the King of Slime, the King of Filth, the King of putrescence! Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo! Boo!

[_Scene cuts sharply to James sitting bolt upright in bed, clutching his blankets in terror to his chest_]

****

Narrator: It was ten days 'till da weddin'. Da king still lived, but James' nightmares were becoming steadily woise.

****

[James]: [_Interrupting_] See? Didn't I tell you he'd never marry that rotten Jessibelle?

****

[Meowth]: Yes, yer very smart James. Shut up.

[_We return to the story to see Jessibelle and Count Gary in his quarters discussing wedding plans. Jessibelle squeals at the design for the outfits for their Pokemon as James bursts through the doors; startling them both_]

****

James: It comes to this: I love Jessie, I always have - I know now I always will. If you tell me I must marry thee in ten days, please believe I will be dead by morning.

****

Jessibelle: Ah could never cause you grief dahlin'. Consider our weddin' off. [_turns to the Count_] You um...returned this Jessie to her ship?

****

Count Gary: [_in a sly voice_] Yes.

****

Jessibelle: Then we will simply alert her. Beloved, [_to James_] are you certain she still wants you? After all it was you who did the leaving in the fire swamp. Not to mention that, uh, pirates are not known as people of their words. Oh and they're so unrefined!

****

James: My Jessie will always come for me.

****

Jessibelle: I suggest a deal.You write four copies of a letter. I'll send my four fastest ships, one in each direction. The Dread Pirate Giovanni is always close to Florin this time of year. We'll run up the white flag and deliver your message. If Jessie wants you, bless you both; if not, please consider me as an alternative to suicide. Are we agreed?

[_James nods in approval and leaves the room quietly to go write her letters and Jessibelle along with Count Gary get up and leave the room as well_]

[_Scene cuts to a secluded area of the woods, the princess and the count head straight for one of the trees; chatting nonchalantly_] 

****

Count Gary: Your prince is quite a winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps. His appeal is undeniable.

****

Jessibelle: Ah know, the people are quite taken with him. It's odd, but when I hired Misty to have him murdered on our engagement day, Ah thought that was clever. But it's going to be so much more movin' when I strangle him on our weddin' night! Once Guilder is blamed, the nation will truly be outraged - they'll demand we go to war!

****

Count Gary: [_snickers, then examines a huge tree_] Now where is that secret knot? It's impossible to find..[_he finds it and the tree opens to reveal a hidden passage_] Ah. Are you coming down into the pit? Jessie's got her strength back. I'm starting her on the machine tonight.

****

Jessibelle: [_sincerely_] Gary, you know how much Ah love watchin' you work, but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my weddin' to arrange, my husband to murder and Guilder to frame for it; [_Shrugs_] I'm swamped!

****

Count Gary: Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, then you haven't got anything. [_smiles halfheartedly_]

[_Count Gary enters the pit, and Jessibelle leaves the tree grove. Inside Jessie is still strapped to the wooden table, but now she is attached to an odd contraption. It is composed of leather strips with suction cups at various locations on Jessie's body and she struggles a bit against them as the count saunters over to the control device_]

****

Count Gary: [_admiring his torture contraption_] Beautiful isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and dividing interest in pain. Presently I'm writing the definitive work on the subject, so I want you to be totally honest with me on how the machine makes you feel. This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting.

[_Count Gary raises the lever to the 1' mark on the contraption, and a floodgate opens to activate the machine. It begins to work and Jessie contains her scream of agony as she writhes in pain. Gary grins sadistically as he turns the machine off, and whips out a pencil and a pad of paper, preparing to write on it_]

****

Count Gary: [_calmly_] As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Really that's all this is except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you. So, lets just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity so be honest. How do you feel?

[_Jessie is unable to answer verbally, but she does manage a meek whimper of pain as she begins to cry_]

****

Count Gary: Interesting.

[_Scene switches back to Jessibelle who is back in her quarters. She sighs and beckons the man waiting at her door to enter. It is her woman-at-arms; Jenny_

****

Jessibelle: Jenny.

****

Jenny: Sire.

****

Jessibelle: As chief enforcer of all Florin, I trust you with this secret: Killers from Guilder are infiltrating the Thieves' Forest and plan to murder my husband on our wedding night.

****

Jenny: [_surprised_] My spy network has heard no such news.

[_James enters quietly as not to interrupt, but as he is anxious for any news of his beloved Jessie, he clears his throat to gain attention_]

****

James: Any word from Jessie?

****

Jessibelle: [_startled_] Too soon, mah dahlin'. Patience.

****

James: She will come for me. [_James leaves_]

****

Jessibelle: Of course. [_turns to Jenny_] He will not be murdered!On the day of the weddin', I want the Thieves' Forest emptied and every filthy inhabitant arrested!

****

Jenny: [_distraught_] Many of the thieves will resist. My regular enforcers will be inadequate.

****

Jessibelle: [_angered_] Form a brute squad then! I want the Thieves' Forest emptied before Ah wed.

****

Jenny: It won't be easy, Sire.

****

Jessibelle: [_sarcastically_] Try ruling the world sometime.

****

Narrator: Da day of da weddin' arrived. Da brute squad had deir hands full carryin' out Jessibelle's orders.

[_The scene shows a dense area of forest, where there are scruffy looking people being carted out in just about any way imaginable. Jenny is mounted on a horse, assuming the position of overseeing the events, when a miscellaneous Brute comes up to her]_

****

Jenny: Is everybody out?

****

Brute: Almost. There's a Twerp giving us some trouble.

****

Jenny: Well, you give him some...trouble. Move!

[_Ash is sitting on the ground, whiskey bottle in one hand, and drawn sword in the other. He is obviously swaggering drunk, and he takes a few swipes a Brute squad members before taking another swill of liquor]_

****

Ash:[_loud_] I am waiting for you Misty! You told me to go back to the beginning, so I have. This is where I am, and this is where I'll stay. I will not be moved.

****

Brute: [_angry_] Ho there!

****

Ash: [_stumbling_] I do not budge. Keep your ho there.

****

Brute: But the prince gave orders!

[_Ash leaps up at this, slashing at the Brute with his sword. The man flees, and Ash is forced to lean against a rail for support]_

****

Ash:I know you Misty...when the job went wrong you went back to the beginning...And this is where we got the job, so it's the beginning. And I am staying 'till Misty comes.

****

Brute: [_calls out behind Ash_] You! Brute, come here!

****

Ash:[_mumbling to himself_] I...am...waiting...for...Misty. [_Just then, and hand grabs him from behind_]

****

Brock: You surely are pissy.

[_Ash turns around with difficulty, having to look up to see who it is, but smiles as he recognizes Brock_]

****

Brock: Hello.

****

Ash: It's you!

[_The brute jumps in to see what's going on, but Brock knocks him out with one well-placed punch_]

****

Brock: You don't look so good...[_Ash leans against him_] You don't smell so good either.

****

Ash:Perhaps no. I feel fine... [_Brock lets go of Ash, who promptly falls flat on his face_]

[_Scene changes to a cabin, where a sickly looking Ash is being spoon fed soup by Brock._]

****

Narrator: Brock and Ash were reunited, and as Brock noised his inebriated friend back ta health, he told Ash of Misty's death and da existence of Count Gary, da six-fingered man. Considerin' Ash's life-long search, he handled da news surprisingly well. [The second he hears the news, _Ash falls face first into the bowl of soup_]. Brock took great care in reviving Ash. 

[_brock is shown brutally dunking Ash's head into first hot water, then cold. This cycle repeats until Ash is completely soaked, and he's finally had enough_]

****

Ash:[_more sober_] That's enough! That's enough! Where is this Gary now, so I might kill him?

****

Brock: He's with the prince in the castle. But the castle gate is guarded by thirty men.

****

Ash: How many could you handle?

****

Brock: I don't think more than ten.

****

Ash:[_counting on his fingers_] ...Leaving twenty for me. At my best I could never defeat that many. I need Misty to plan. I have no gift for strategy.

****

Brock: But Misty is dead.

****

Ash: [_inspired_] No...not Misty. I need the woman in black.

****

Brock: What?

****

Ash:Look, she bested you at strength, your greatness. She bested me with steel.She must have out-thought Misty, and a woman who can do that can plan my castle onslaught any day! Let's go!

****

Brock: Where?

****

Ash: ...Find the woman in black obviously.

****

Brock: But you don't know where she is.

****

Ash:Don't bother me with trifles, after twenty years at last my Pikachu's soul will be at peace. There will be blood tonight!

[_The scene moves back to Jessibelle, sharpening a dagger in his chambers when Jenny arrives and bows the instant she is in the door_]

****

Jessibelle: Rise and report!

****

Jenny: The Thieves' Forest is emptied. Thirty men guard the castle gate.

****

Jessibelle: Double it! My prince must be safe.

****

Jenny: The gate has but one key, and I carry that.

[_She shows her the key, and James appears in the room behind her_]

****

Jessibelle: Ah, my dulcet dahlin'! Tonight, we marry. [_turns to Jenny_] Tomorrow mornin' your men will escort us to Florin Channel, where every ship in mah armada waits to accompany us on our honeymoon.

****

James: [_disturbed_] Every ship but your four fastest, you mean. [_Jessibelle looks confused_]. Every ship but the four you sent.

****

Jessibelle: [_recovering badly_] Yes. Yes of course. Naturally not those four.

****

Jenny: [_feeling tension, she exits_] Your majesty.

****

James: You never sent the ships. Doesn't matter, Jessie will come for me anyway.

****

Jessibelle: You're a silly boy.

****

James: Yes I am a silly boy, for not having seen sooner that you were nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear.

****

Jessibelle: [_outraged_] Ah would not say such things if I were you.

****

James: Why not? You can't hurt me. Jessie and I are joined by the bonds of love, and you cannot track that; not with a thousand Growlithe. And you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords. And when I say you're a coward, it is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the Earth.

****

Jessibelle: [_furious_] Ah would not say such things if I were you!!! [_She forcefully escorts James to his chamber_]

[_She throws him in, and the scene changes back to the pit of despair, where she looms over the incapacitated Jessie menacingly_]

****

Jessibelle: [_To Jessie_] You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no mater what the storybooks say. And so Ah think no woman in a century will suffer as greatly as you will. [_Jessibelle sets the machine to the maximum of 50._]

****

Count Gary: [_screaming_] Not to fifty!!

[_The machine pumps furiously and Jessie screams in agony, a sound that the entire county of Florin can hear. James hears it from his room, but doesn't recognize the owner, but as Ash and Brock make their way through town, Ash stops dead in his tracks as he realizes what it is_]

****

Ash:Brock! Brock! Listen. Do you hear? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Gary slaughtered my Pikachu. The woman in black makes it now.

****

Brock: The woman in black?

****

Ash:Her true love is marrying another tonight. So who else has the cause for ultimate suffering? [_Ash and Brock push their way through a mass of people_] Excuse me. Pardon me, it's important. [_They struggle to move even a few feet_] Brock, please?

****

Brock: [_in a bellowing voice_] EVERYBODY, MOVE!!!

****

Ash:Thank You. [_The whole crowd clears out, leaving a perfect path for the two._]

[_Ash and Brock listen to the screams and are able to trace them to the clearing where the pit of despair is located. Butch is outside with a wheelbarrow and he stops as the duo blocks his path_]

****

Ash:[_to Butch_] Where is the woman in black? You get that from this grove, yes? [_No response_] Brock, jog his memory.

[_Brock hits Butch neatly on the top of his head, but simply falls over, unconscious]_

****

Brock: I'm sorry Ash. I didn't mean to jog him so hard. Ash?

[_Ash refuses to give up, not responding to Brock as he kneels, raising his sword to the sky_]

****

Ash:Pikachu, I have failed you for twenty years. Now our misery can end. Somewhere, somewhere close by is a woman who can help us. I can not find her alone. I need you. I need you to guide my sword, please.. .Guide my sword.

[_Ash stands, eyes closed, and follows his sword. It leads him in an odd path, but eventually sticks into a nearby tree. Thinking he has failed, he leans against it in exasperation, accidentally hitting the switch to open the entrance._

****

Brock: [_putting his ear to Jessie's chest_] She's dead.

****

Ash: This is no fair.

****

[Jessie]: [_jumping in, upset_] Meowth! Meowth! Wait, wait. What did Brock mean, 'She's Dead.? I mean, he didn't mean 'dead?? Jessie is only faking, right?

****

[Meowth]: Do ya want me ta read dis or not?

****

[James]: Who gets Jessibelle!

****

[Meowth]: I don't understand?

****

[James]: [_annoyed_] Who kills Princess Jessibelle? At the end, someone's got to do it! Is it Ash? Who?!

****

[Meowth]: Nobody. Nobody kills her. She lives.

****

[James]: You mean she wins? Geez, Meowth! What did you read us this thing for?

****

[Meowth]: Ya know, you...youse two is very sick and yer takin' dis story very seriously. I tink we'd betta stop now. [_He closes the book_]

****

[Jessie/James]: No! We...we're okay. We're okay. Sit down. We're alright.

****

[Meowth]: Okay. Alright, now lets see...where were we? Oh, yes, in da Pit of Despair.

[_Scene switches back to Ash and Brock standing over Jessie's body_]

****

Ash:The Ketchums have never taken defeat easily. Come Brock, bring the body.

****

Brock: The body?

****

Ash: Have you any money?

****

Brock: I have a little.

****

Ash: I just hope it's enough to buy a miracle, that's all.

[_Brock and Ash make their way through the forest, Brock carrying the limp form of Jessie in his arms until they reach a small hut in a clearing. Ash motions for Brock to stay put, and he goes up to the door and knocks_]

****

Voice: [_from inside, irritated_] Go away!

[_Ash knocks harder until a feline face appears in a small peep slot in the door_]

****

Miracle Meowth: [_Feline_] What?! What?!

****

Ash: Are you the Miracle Meowth who worked for the king all those years?

****

Miracle Meowth: Da king's stinkin' daughter fired me. And thank you so much for bringin' up such a painful subject. While yer at it, why doncha give me a nice paper cut, and pour lemon juice on it. We're closed! [_Meowth closes a flap over the door hole, but Ash still knocks_] Beat it or I'll call the brute squad!

****

Brock: I'm on the brute squad. [_Meowth appears in the door again, examining Brock_]

****

Miracle Meowth: You are da brute squad!

****

Ash: We need a miracle. It's very important.

****

Miracle Meowth: Look, I'm retired. Besides, why would ya want someone da kings stinking daughter fired? I might kill whoever ya want me ta miracle.

****

Ash: She's already dead.

****

Miracle Meowth: She is, eh? I'll have a look. Bring her in. 

[_They enter, and Brock lays Jessie's body gingerly on a long wooden table. Meowth leaps onto it gracefully examines her. He lifts her arm up for a moment, letting it fall haphazardly back to the table with a loud thud_] 

****

Miracle Meowth: I've seen woise.

****

Ash: Sir...Sir.

****

Miracle Meowth: Huh?

****

Ash: We're in a terrible rush.

****

Miracle Meowth: Don't rush me sonny. Ya rush a miracle Pokemon, ya get rotten miracles. Ya got money?

****

Ash: Sixty-five.

****

Miracle Meowth: Sheesh! I never woiked fer so little; except once and dat was a very noble cause.

****

Ash:This is noble sir. Her husband is...crippled...children on the brink of starvation...

****

Miracle Meowth: Are you a rotten liar.

****

Ash:I need her to help avenge my Pikachu, murdered this twenty years.

****

Miracle Meowth: Your first story was better. Where's that bellows cramp? She probably owes you money, huh. Well, I'll ask him.

****

Ash:She's dead. She can't talk.

****

Miracle Meowth: Ooooohhh! Look who knows so much, eh! It just so happens dat yer friend here is only mostly dead. Dere's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Please open her mouth. [_He inserts the bellows_] Now, mostly dead is slightly alive. Now, all dead...well, wit all dead, dere's usually only one ting dat you can do.

****

Ash: What's that?

****

Miracle Meowth: Go through her clothes and look for loose change. [_Meowth proceeds to pump air into Jessie's lungs, and removes the bellows as he puts his face directly into hers_] Hey! Hello in dere! Hey! What's so important? Whatcha got here, dat's woith livin' for? [_Meowth, satisfied with the question, places his hands on Jessie's stomach and forces the air from her lungs_]

****

Jessie: [_barely audible_] True....love....

****

Ash:[_excited_] True love!You heard her!You could not ask for a more noble cause than that.

****

Miracle Meowth: Sonny, true love is da greatest ting in da woild; except for a nice FLT - Fish, lettuce and tomato sandwich - when da fish is nice and lean, and da tomato's ripe. Dey're so perky. I love that. But dat's not what she said! She distinctly said, [_Imitating Jessie_] 'to blaithe.' And as we all know, to blaithe means to bluff. So, you were probably playing cards and she cheated...

****

Woman: [_interrupting_] Liar!! Liar!! Liarrrrrrr!

****

Miracle Meowth: Get back, witch!

****

Woman: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife! But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore!

****

Miracle Meowth: You neva had it so good. [_Meowth smiles at Ash_]

****

Cassandra: [Miracle Meowth's wife] True love, who said true love, Meowth?

****

Miracle Meowth: Don't say another woird, Cassandra...[_Ash looks on in disbelief_]

****

Cassandra: You're afraid. Ever since Princess Jessibelle fired him, his confidence is shattered!

****

Max: [_yelling_] Why'd you say that name?! You promised me that you would never

say that name!

****

Cassandra: What, Jessibelle?!

****

Miracle Meowth: [_cringes_] Ahh!!

****

Cassandra: Jessibelle!

****

Miracle Meowth: Ahh!!

[_Ash and Brock look on in terror as Cassandra chases Meowth around the room, screaming._]

****

Cassandra: Jessibelle!

****

Miracle Meowth: Ahh!!

****

Cassandra: Jessibelle!

****

Miracle Meowth: Ahh!!

****

Cassandra: [_now in a sing-song voice_] Jessibelle.... Jessibelle! Jessibelle! Jessibelle! Jessibelle!

****

Miracle Meowth: I'm not listening!

****

Cassandra: True love, life expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't help!

****

Miracle Meowth: Nobody's hearing nothing!

****

Cassandra: Jessibelle![_She continues to yell Jessibelle'_]

****

Ash:[_interrupting_] This is James' true love. If you heal her, she will stop Jessibelle's wedding!

****

Miracle Meowth: [_to Cassandra_] Shut up!

****

Ash: Thank you. Thank you.

****

Miracle Meowth: Wait, wait. I make her better, Jessibelle suffers?

****

Ash: Humiliations galore!

****

Miracle Meowth: Ha ha!! Dat is a noble cause! Give me da sixty-five!I'm on da job!

[_Meowth and Cassandra begin work on a large pill, and Ash raises an eyebrow as Cassandra coats it in chocolate._]

****

Ash: That's a miracle pill?

****

Cassandra: The chocolate coating makes it go down easier. But, you have to wait fifteen minutes for maximum potency. And, she shouldn't go in swimming after for at least...

****

Miracle Meowth: [_jumping in_] An hour!

****

Cassandra: An hour.

****

Miracle Meowth: ...A good hour.....Here. [_gives Ash the pill_]

****

Ash: [_leaving_] Thank you for everything.

****

Miracle Meowth: Okay! [_Inigo and Fezzik leave_]

****

Cassandra: Bye bye, boys!

****

Miracle Meowth: Have fun storming da castle!

****

Cassandra: [_to Meowth_] Think it will work?

****

Miracle Meowth: It would take a miracle..

****

Miracle Meowth and **Cassandra:** [_waving_] B-bye!

[_Scene cuts to the castle walls bordering Jessibelle's castle, Ash and Brock sneaking along it out of sight from the guards with Jessie's still dead body. They stop and prop her against the wall to assess the situation_]

****

Brock: Ash, there's more than thirty!

****

Ash:[_propping up Jessie again before she falls over_] What's the difference? We've got her! Help me here. We have to force-feed her.

****

Brock: Has it been fifteen minutes?

****

Ash:We can't wait. The wedding is in half an hour. We must strike in the hustle and the bustle before hand. Tilt her head back. Open her mouth.

[_Brock roughly tips Jessie's head back and Ash jams the pill down her throat_]

****

Brock: How long do we have to wait before we know if the miracle works?

****

Ash: Your guess is as good as mine.

[_The instant he finishes his sentence, Jessie's eyes snap open and she looks about furiously_]

****

Jessie: [_disoriented_] I'll beat you both apart! I'll take you both together!

****

Brock: I guess not very long.

****

Jessie: [_Noting she is paralyzed_] Why won't my arms move?

****

Brock: You've been mostly dead all day.

****

Ash: We had Miracle Meowth make a pill to bring you back.

****

Jessie: Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where's James?

****

Ash:Let me explain....no, there is too much. Let me sum up; James is marrying Jessibelle in little less than half an hour.So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the prince, make our escape - after I kill Count Gary.

****

Jessie: That doesn't leave much for dilly-dally. [_Her pinky twitches and moves slightly as she speaks_]

****

Brock: You just wiggled your finger! That's wonderful!

****

Jessie: I've always been a quick healer. What are our liabilities?

****

Ash: There is but one working castle gate, and it is guarded by sixty men.

****

Jessie: And our assets?

****

Ash: Your brains, Brock's strength, my steel.

****

Jessie: That's it? Impossible. If I had a month to plan maybe I could come up with something. But this... [_She shakes her head a bit in disapproval_]

****

Brock: You just shook your head! That doesn't make you happy?

****

Jessie: My brains, his steel and your strength against sixty men and you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy? Hmm?? I mean if we only had a wheelbarrow, that would be something.

****

Ash:Where did we put that wheelbarrow Butch had?

****

Brock: Over Butch, I think..

****

Jessie: Why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?! [_sigh_] What I wouldn't give for a holocaust cloak...

****

Ash: There we cannot help you.

****

Brock: [_pulls a black cloak from under his shirt_] Would this do?

****

Ash: Where did you get that?

****

Brock: At Miracle Meowth's. It fit so nice, he said I could keep it.

****

Jessie: Alright, alright, come help me up. [_They help her to her feet shakily_] Now I'll need a sword eventually.

****

Ash: Why? You can't even lift one.

****

Jessie: True, but that's hardly common knowledge, is it? Thank you. [_Ash gives her a sword_]. Now, there may be problems once we're inside.

****

Ash:I'll say. How do I find the Count? Once I do, how do I find you again? Once I find you again, how do I escape?

****

Brock: Don't pester her, she's had a hard day.

****

Ash: Right, right....sorry.

****

Brock: Ash?

****

Ash: What?

****

Brock: I hope we win.

[_They proceed to execute their plan, while the scene returns to James' room where Jessibelle is adjusting his collar for the wedding_]

****

Jessibelle: You don't seem excited mah little muffin.

****

James: Should I be?

****

Jessibelle: Grooms often are, Ah'm told.

****

James: I do not marry tonight. My Jessie will save me. 

[_James leaves in a huff, and the next time we see him is in the chapel, where he stands with a grin expression at the altar with Jessibelle. An old man, Samuel Oak, steps up to them, opens a bible and begins the ceremony. He begins to speak, and both Jessibelle and James flinch at his odd speech impediment_]

****

Oak: Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethaw today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam...

[_From outside, the voice of Jenny is heard_]

****

Jenny: Stand your ground, men! Stand your ground! Stand your ground!

[_An extremely tall figure clad completely in black is seen slowly advancing on Jenny's guard and they cower back in fear. Ash is revealed to be pushing Brock in the wheelbarrow, and he has the limp and incapacitated Jessie on his back_]

****

Brock: I am the Dread Pirate Giovanni! There will be no survivors!

****

Ash: Now?

****

Jessie: Not yet.

****

Brock: My men are here! I am here! ... but soon you will not be here! [_Points to the guard ominously_]

****

Ash: [_Barely holding up Brock_] Now?!

****

Jessie: Light him! [_They light Brock's robe with a torch_]

****

Brock: The Dread Pirate Roberts takes no survivors! All your worst nightmares have but to come true!

[_Most of the gate guards scatter in all directions and the scene changes to the wedding again_]

****

Oak: Then wove, twue wove, will follow you fowever...

[_Jessibelle rolls her eyes and the scene returns to the heroes outside_]

****

Brock: The Dread Pirate Giovanni is here for your soul! [_Jenny yells for the guards to fight they flee, leaving the terrified young woman at the mercy of Brock as we return to the wedding_]

****

Oak: So tweasure youw wove...

****

Jessibelle: [_interrupting_] Skip to the end!

****

Oak: Have you the wing?

****

James: Here comes my Jessie now.

[_Brock has since shed the robe and stands in his normal attire, looming over Jenny with Ash and Jessie. She scurries beneath the gate as it begins to close and grins as she thinks she has escaped._]

****

Jessie: Brock, the portcullis! [_Brock lifts the portcullis with some trouble as we get another glimpse of the wedding_]

****

Jessibelle: Your Jessie is dead. I killed her myself.

****

James: Then why is there fear behind your eyes?

****

Jessie: [_to Jenny_] Give us the gate key!

****

Jenny: I have no gate key.

****

Ash: Brock, tear her arms off.

****

Jenny: [_Nervously and without hesitation she produces the key_] Oh, you mean this gate key. [_She smiles and hands over the key as the scene switches to the wedding_]

****

Oak: Do you Pwince James...

****

Jessibelle: [_annoyed_] Man and wife! Say man and wife!

****

Oak: Man and Wife.

****

Jessibelle: Escort the bride to the honeymoon suite. Ah'll be there shortly. [_Shoving James toward her parents_]

****

James: [_Dismayed_] She didn't come...

[_Ash, Brock, and Jessie have made their way into the castle by now, but just as they round a corner, they are stopped dead in their tracks by Gary and four of his men._]

****

Count Gary: Kill the dark one and the giant but leave the third for questioning.

[_The guards make a feeble attempt to attack Ash, but his superior swordsmanship is too much for them, and he is able to slay them all, pointing his sword at Count Gary_]

****

Ash: Hello, my name is Ash Ketchum. You killed my Pikachu. Prepare to die.

[_Count Gary draws his sword, assuming a defensive stance and lowering his eyes abhorrently before turning and running as fast as he can away from Ash. He follows, tracking him until he enters a doorway, locking it behind him. Ash pounds the door to attempt to break it down, eventually slamming his body into it with full force, screaming for assistance_]

****

Ash: Brock! I need you!

****

Brock: I can't leave her [_Jessie_] alone!

****

Ash: He's getting away from me Brock! Please!! Brock!

****

Fezzik: [_to Westley_] I'll be right back. 

[_Brock rushes to his friend's side and pounds the door lightly with one fist. The hinges break and the door falls free of the frame, allowing Ash through_]

****

Ash: Thank you.

[_The young man rushes through, and the scene moves to James, being escorted down a long hallway._]

****

Queen: Strange wedding...

****

King: Yes, a very strange wedding. Come along. 

[_The King exits and James leans forward and kisses the Queen gently on the forehead_]

****

Queen: What was that for? 

****

James: Because you've always been so kind to me, and I won't be seeing you again since I'm killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite.

****

Queen: [_Happily grabbing James' hand_] Won't that be nice....He kissed me! [_She giggles_]

[_The scene goes back to Ash Chasing Count Gary down a stairwell. Gary stops for a moment, and draws a small dagger from his boot, resuming his previous path as he hears Ash approaching. He eventually reaches a dead end in a food cellar, turning around to face Ash as he enters after him. The twerp doesn't get into the room before Gary artfully hurls the dagger at Ash. It plunges into his stomach, and Ash stops, leaning against the wall in pain, sinking to his knees as he clutches at the hilt_]

****

Ash: [_Weakly_] Sorry Pikachu, I tried

****

Count Gary: You must be that little Twerp brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. Simply incredible. You've been tracing me your whole life, only to fail now? I think that's the worst thing I ever heard. How marvelous.

[_The scene changes to James, who looks wistfully out the window of the honeymoon suite before seating himself at the table, opening a box with a long, thing blade in it. He whispers something under his breath as he draws the blade out, pressing the tip against his chest ready to stab himself, but a voice interjects from Jessie who has been on the bed the entire time_]

****

Jessie: There's a shortage of perfect bodies in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.

****

James: Jessie! Oh, Jessie! [_James leaps on the bed atop his beloved, kissing her anywhere he can find a suitable place to_]Jessie, why won't you hold me?

****

Jessie: Gently... [_Jessie has almost no strength_]

****

James: At a time like this, that is all you can think to say? Gently?

****

Jessie: Gently... Ooh![_She cries out in pain as James accidentally hits her head on the board_]

[_The scene cuts back to Ash and Gary, who smiles menacingly on the wounded soul struggling to stand as he pulls the dagger from his stomach. He falls down again, and looks away, ashamed._]

****

Count Gary: Good heavens...are you still trying to win? You've got an over developed sense of vengeance. It's going to get you into trouble someday. 

[_Gary thrusts his sword for the kill, but Ash raises his and deflects it into his arm instead. Gary scowls at him, and strikes again, only to have his blow carried to Ash's other arm. He seems to gain energy after this, batting Gary's sword away as he stands on his own._]

****

Ash:[_Weakly_] Hello, my name is Ash Ketchum. You Killed my Pikachu. Prepare to die. [_Ash still has trouble, stumbling with pain and clutching his stomach, but ha manages to exchange a few attacks with Gary._] Hello, my name is Ash Ketchum. You killed my Pikachu. Prepare to die. [_Ash gains strength from the words, lunging fiercely at Gary, now yelling them as loud as he can._]Hello, my name is Ash Ketchum! You Killed my Pikachu! Prepare to die!

****

Count Gary: [_frightened and angry_] Stop saying that! [_Ash nips Gary and continues to fight with even more vigor_]

****

Ash:[_enraged_] Hello, my name is Ash Ketchum! You Killed my Pikachu! Prepare to die! [_Ash corners Count Gary and slashes his cheek, just as his scars run_] Offer me money! [_He slashes his other cheek in the same fashion_]

****

Count Gary: All that I have and more. Please...

****

Ash: Offer me anything I ask for!

****

Count Gary: Anything you want... [_Gary tries a quick move on Ash, but it is easily blocked as he plunges his sword into his chest_]

****

Ash: I want my Pikachu back, you son of a bitch! [_Count Gary falls to the floor, dead and finally rid of a few demons of the past, Ash runs off to find Jessie._]

[_The Honeymoon suite_]

****

James: Oh, Jessie, will you ever forgive me?

****

Jessie: What hideous sin have you committed lately?

****

James: I got married. I didn't want to. It all happened so fast.

****

Jessie: It never happened.

****

James: What?

****

Jessie: It never happened.

****

James: But it did! I was there...this old man said man and wife.

****

Jessie: Did you say I do?

****

James: Uh...no. We sort of skipped that part.

****

Jessie: Then you're not married. You didn't say it. You didn't do it. Wouldn't you agree, your highness? [_Turning to Jessibelle who has appeared behind James_]

****

Jessibelle: A technicality that will shortly be remedied...but first things first.. [_She draws her sword_] To the death!

****

Jessie: [_slowly sitting up_] No! To the pain!

****

Jessibelle: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase?

****

Jessie: I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand. You-wart-hog-faced-buffoon!

****

Jessibelle: [_insulted_] That may be the first time in mah life anyone has dared insult me.

****

Jessie: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your feet below the ankles, then your hands at your wrists. Next, your nose.

****

Jessibelle: Then my tongue, Ah suppose? Ah killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake Ah don't mean to duplicate tonight.

****

Jessie: I wasn't finished! The next thing you lose will be your left eye followed by your right!

****

Jessibelle: And then my ears...I understand! Let's get on with it!

****

Jessie: Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why; so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness is yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman that cries out, 'dear god what is that thing!' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.

****

Jessibelle: Ah think your bluffing.

****

Jessie: It's possible, pig. I might be bluffing. It's conceivable you miserable vomitous mass, I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again, perhaps I have the strength to stand after all. [_Jessie stands slowly and nobly, her sword pointed maliciously at Jessibelle's utterly terrified face_] Drop... your... sword.

[_Jessibelle drops the sword without haste._]

****

Jessie: Now have a seat. [_Jessibelle obligingly does so_] Tie her up. Make it as tight as you like.

[_James ties up the wicked Princess with relish as Ash runs into the room_]

****

Ash: Where's Brock?

****

Jessie: I thought he was with you! In that case...[_Jessie starts to move then almost falls over_]

****

Ash: [_to James_] Help her.

****

James: Why does Jessie need helping?

****

Ash: Because she has no strength.

****

Jessibelle: Ah knew it! Ah knew you were bluffin'! [_Ash points his sword at her_] Ah knew she was...bluffin'.

****

Ash: Shall I dispatch her for you?

****

Jessie: Thank you, but no. Whatever happens to us, I want her to live a long life, alone with her cowardice.

****

Brock: [_from outside the window_] Ash! Ash! Where are you? [_Ash runs to the window_]Oh...there you are. ash, I saw the princess's stable, and there they were four white Rapidash.And I thought there are four of us, if we ever find the gentleman. [_James and Jessie run to the window to see Brock with the Rapidash_] Hello gentleman! [_He waves to James and he waves back_]...So I took them with me in case we ever bumped into each other. But I guess we just did.

****

Ash: Brock, you did something right.

****

Brock: Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head.

[_James smiles and leaps gracefully from the window, landing in Brock's arms securely_]

****

Ash: [_To Jessie_] You know, it's very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.

****

Jessie: Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Giovanni. [_Both leave_]

****

Narrator: Dey rode ta freedom. As dawn arose, Jessie and James knew dey were safe. A wave of love swept over dem. And as dey reached for each odda...

****

[Jessie]: What?! What?!

****

Meowth: Naah, it's kissin' again. You don't wanna hear that.

****

[James]: Well...We don't mind so much.

****

Meowth: Okay.

****

Narrator: Since da invention of da kiss, dere had been five kisses dat were rated da most passionate, da most pure. Dis one left dem all behind. DE END.

****

Meowth: Now, I tink youse two ought ta get some sleep.

****

Jessie/James: Okay...

[_They settle back down into their sleeping bags_]

****

Jessie: Ow! James move over! You're squishing me!

****

James: [_Smirks_] As you wish

****

Jessie: [_Smiles and blushes, hoping it means what she thinks it means and snuggles closer to him as he puts his arms around her_]

****

James: Meowth?

****

Meowth: Yeah?

****

Jessie: Maybe, if we're still sick tomorrow, you could read it to us again?

****

Meowth: Heh, as ya wish guys


End file.
